Opposite Distraction

Can't really see you, reach out to touch you, though you're not there...
Breathing gets harder, heavier... feels like there's a mountain on my chest, pressing down.. If you were here i could make it go away, but without you i'm nothing but a simple man, with a simple mans strength.

Time is moving slow, not as fast as it once did. Laying here.. here the ticking of the clock, even something as simple as that reminds me of you. I can smell the roses, can you? wherever you are i hope you can! I hope you can smell them the way i can, smell them and see them in all their beauty..

Remember the time when i first gave you that rose? How touched you were, your cheeks blushed and you gave me the most wonderful kiss. At that time i knew that we would be together.. always.. no matter what.

Atleast that's what i thought, until that day came, that awful day came... you brought me the letter from the state and i could tell by the look on your face that it wasn't good news... you couldn't bear to here what it said, you ran outside and into the woods. The same way you did when you were a child and you wanted to hide from the world.

I yelled out.. but you didn't stop... you just kept on running and i could do nothing else but to go back to my room and to that dredful letter..

I sat there in my black leather chair.. alone... i looked at the letter on the table as if i already knew.. the neighbour had gotten the same kind of letter a year before and his wife still sat on the porch... waiting.... you could tell by the blan expresison in her face that se knew... she knew all too well. But she couldn't accept it... wouldn't.

I slowly reached out for the letter and opened it with the knife that my grandfather had given me when i was twelve years old... took out the letter and read it time and time again.... a tear manifested itself in the corner of my eye and slowly made it's way down until it fell down onto the paper..

Now it's been awhile... and as i lay here with you on my mind... nothing else but you... reaching out for you with my mind.. i think that you can hear me.. i hope that you can... because i want to tell you one more time.. with my very last breath.. i love you, i have always loved you and will always love you.. until the end of time, until the end of days.. i'm yours..

I'm not afraid anymore, i feel calm... the mountain is gone and i feel as light as a butterfly flying in the warm summerbreeze... I can see our house, i can see you sitting on the porch, waiting... when you see me you start to run.. i can see that you're happy, there's even a tear in your eye. But not of pain.. of happiness.. you jump up into my arms and i give you a kiss.. oh how i've longed for that kiss...